7 Likely and Unlikely Things to Declutter in 2017

Life can be a bit overwhelming at times.  Our days are filled with people, places, and things vying for our attention and if you’re a leader in your profession, a business owner, a parent, or a caregiver, these obligations multiply.  The pressure of it all can cause you to feel off centered, not relaxed, and irritable at best.

If 2016 was a year of mild to severe overwhelm for you, I want to offer you 7 things you can decrease or eliminate in 2017, if you hadn’t already done so in 2016, that will put you back on track, refocus your mind, your priorities, and ease your sense of overwhelm for the year ahead.

  1. PEOPLE.  Like stowaway, some people snuck their way into your life in 2016, but now that you know they’re there, what are you going to do about it?  A few individuals should have been cut from your team a long time ago, but you’ve allowed their presence for one reason or another.  It’s 2017 and you’re finally beginning to realize that they belong in a different part of your life story.  A part of your life called, the past.
  2. THINGS.  We are a society that over consumes.  Some of us make purchases, not because we need them, but just to prove that we can afford them.  While others make purchases because they don’t want others to know they can’t afford them.  Whatever your story was in 2016, vow to make a change for 2017.  Put your money to better use and fix the problem that has you buying things you don’t need, or worse, can’t afford, to impress people you don’t like.
  3. OLD STORIES.  Some stories are fun to tell.  They bring joy to you and to the listeners, but some stories are old, tired, and frankly, people are sick and tired of listening to you tell the same story repeatedly, without resolve.  You know which stories no longer fit into the next chapter of your life.  Do yourself and everyone else a favor and put them to rest.
  4. INBOX.  Just like we clean our closets, drawers, refrigerators, and cabinets; our cyber world needs to be decluttered as well.  Take some time out of your schedule to clean this space.  If you take public transportation, you can do it during your commute.  You can do it while you’re waiting at your next doctor’s appointment or just block out time on your calendar.  Literally, put it on your schedule and get it done.
  5. FACEBOOK.  If you’re on Facebook for business, you should be strategic about your online relationships.  I started my personal page in 2008 when I was an adjunct professor and full-time elementary school teacher.  So, many of my initial contacts came from those worlds, but I’ve grown since then and so has my business.  My focus and main interest in Facebook is in keeping my tribe informed and educated.  One of the things I’ve intentionally done on FB is to not take part in too many groups.  I know people who are part of fifty or more groups.  In my case, I was receive request to join one group or another on a regular basis.  While I find high value in some, they aren’t all cut from the same cloth.  My advice, remove yourself from any group(s) that doesn’t fit your focus or your goals for 2017 and watch your focus increase and your number of notification distractions, decrease.
  6. YOUR MESSAGING.  I don’t know about you, but our most recent election depleted me.  There was nothing but constant bickering, name calling, and derogatory messaging being tossed all over the place.   During that time, I hung out in my online FB group, The WE Women Network.  I spent my time connecting with the women in my tribe and though I was tempted to bring up the election, I figured I’d leave that to everyone else in the cyber world.  Make a conscientious decision to stay away from messaging that drains you and doesn’t bring value to your life in 2017; whether that messaging is from the outside world or even someone you love, you owe it to yourself to tune out and make room for more empowering thoughts to enter your mental space in the new year.  You only have but so much room.
  7. ELIMINATE THOUGHTS OF LACK.  As an online marketer, I spend a lot of time on social media connecting with my tribe.  One of the most consistent themes online is relationships.  So many women want to be in romantic relationships that they spend most of their time posting about their desires for a mate.  This behavior clearly insinuates that there is something missing.  We all have things in our lives that could use some work and although you may feel there’s a void in your life, it’s not healthy to focus on it.  Instead, claim what you already have.  Switch the conversation from “I want”, to “thank you Creator for preparing me for what is coming my way”.  Don’t long for it, claim it!

Dr. Terré is a writer, thought leader, healer, business coach, and transformational speaker.

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16 Things I Learned in 2016 That Will Surely Change My 2017

  1. Life isn’t simple.  Only simple people desire to have simple lives.  Life is complex, filled with change, opportunities for growth, and new adventures and all of that makes life a bit complicated, but often worth every bit of the complication.  That’s what makes life, life.
  2. True love reveals itself in crisis.
  3. Pay less attention to what people say and more attention to what they do.  What they do is who they are.
  4. Smiles mean nothing.  Who people are, is revealed in their actions, not in their smiles.
  5. Making money while you sleep, spend time with your family, go on vacation, do nothing, THAT’S called residual income, but it’s also called REAL FREEDOM.
  6. Kindness really is taken for granted, but it shouldn’t stop you from being who you are.
  7. The very person you put down, may one day be the only person there for you when you need someone to lift you back up.
  8. Everything in life is about experience and perspective.   Cleveland was a small town, until I moved to Huntsville, Alabama.
  9. Where you live and who you spend the most time with can add or deplete from your overall happiness.
  10. Parenting yourself, means knowing what you want and need at every given moment of the day.  Give YOU what YOU need like only a good parent can and will do.
  11. The feeling of success begets success.  Do more things that make you feel successful and spend more time around those who reflect that success.
  12. Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart.  It takes work and when you commit to the marriage, the work automatically goes with it.
  13. Keeping your silence when others are judging and attacking you, helps you to guard your peace, but is also makes others very uncomfortable.  Their discomfort isn’t your problem.
  14. The Creator knows who is going to be there for you at every given turn of your life, even your death bed.
  15. Don’t give up on your dreams.  They haven’t given up on you.
  16. Life is cyclical.  One thing ends and another always begins.

Dr. Terré is a Life Story Monetization Strategist.  She helps women unleash and monetize their unique stories through book publishing and public speaking.  She’s a best-selling author, national speaker on women in business, work/life harmony, forgiveness, and urban education.  Learn more at www.terreholmes.com.

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Balance vs. Harmony

Listen Lovelie, I wish someone had told me a long time ago that there was no such thing as balance, only harmony.  Think about it, for something to be balanced it must bear equal weight on all sides, right?  Well, when has anything in your life ever been equal?  You’re a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a sister, a co-worker and so much more.  If you’re anything like me, you’ve given more to some people and causes in your life than you will ever get back in return, but as the French say, ‘c’est la vie’.  That’s life.

The fact is, you never give the same amount of attention to anything in your life.  It’s impossible.  Sometimes your family gets more and sometimes your business or career gets more, but the key isn’t in how you divvy up yourself, but in how you feel about it.  If you feel like something deserves more or less of you, you be the judge.  Don’t allow others to speak your truth for you.  Be the woman I know you are and speak for yourself.

Who decided that to have peace was to have balance anyway? The essence of true peace can often be found in the midst of pure chaos; things outside our control.  However, being able to find harmony when things around you are out of your control and falling apart, that’s peace, that’s balance.  Harmony reflects the notion that although things aren’t equal, there can still be a sense of peace, calmness, and fulfillment resonating from inside of you.  Harmony means accepting things as they are and not trying to balance them into something they will never be.

Lovely, each person’s idea of harmony is different and you have to decide what’s best for you.  Just like every girl looks different in red lipstick, your sense of harmony will play out differently as well.  In the meantime, do me a favor, don’t allow anyone to paint your picture of harmony for you.  You are the Picasso of your life’s landscape.  Whether you choose to use thin, well-crafted lines of symmetry or broad strokes that spill outside the lines, the choice is yours.  Whichever way you decide to live life, live it authentically and unapologetically, because you only get one chance to craft this story called, your life.

I hope that you’ll enjoy my writings, share them with your tribe, comment when you feel compelled, oh and make sure we stay connected.

With Love,

Simply

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Looking for a guest blogger, panelist, or speaker on women in business or personal development, consider me. Click HERE for more information.

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11 Songs to Help You Get Over Your Ex

Hey Lovely, being in a relationship can be a beautiful thing, but breaking up can be devastating.  Trust me, been there, done that and I can attest, it’s not a good feeling.  The awkward questions from family and friends, the late night movies that make you think about him at the strangest hours, the things you still have around your house, that you should probably get rid of, keep him on your mind.  Not to mention, the songs that come on the radio.  All of these things can send you spiraling in frustration, loneliness, and even depression.  However, getting over your ex IS possible and is necessary if you plan to move on with your life.

I’ve put together a list of my favorite inspirational breakup songs, if there’s such a thing, for helping you to move on and start the journey of getting to a better place.  I’ll admit, I’m a 70’s baby, so some of these songs are quite dated, but the message is still the same.  Not only have I included the songs, but I’ve also added videos for you if you’re a visual person.  Oh, and they’re in order!  Yes, I wanted to take you on a journey towards healing and feeling empowered as a newly single woman.

Listen Lovely, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen in time.  I promise.  If the list helps you in any way, drop me a line below.  I’d love to hear from you.

With Love,

Terré

#1 Ex-Factor – Lauren Hill

#2 Epiphany – Chrisette Michelle

#3 Don’t Speak – No Doubt

#4 Survivor – Destiny’s Child

#5 I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

#6 Believe – Cher

#7 Shake it Off – Mariah Carey

#8 Irreplaceable – Beyonce

#9 I’m Coming Out – Dianna Ross

#10 Roar – Katy Perry

#11 Knocks You Down – Keri Hilson

Subscribe to my YOUTUBE Channel to listen to the entire playlist on the go.

Purchase your copy HERE.
Purchase your copy of my best selling book, Love Lessons for Single Happy Girls HERE.
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My Pretty, Ugly Truth: 21 Things that Make Me Just Like You

I’ve always believed in telling my truth.   It’s the only one I know.  As well, I believe that our stories not only set us free, but they set others free.  When I wrote my last book, Love Lessons, my sister was surprised by the things I shared.  I had to tell it all.  Telling part of the story wouldn’t have been fair to my readers.  Besides, our stories aren’t for us anyway.  That’s why they’re called, “stories”.  They’re meant to be shared.

My new friend Linda Husser, who’s also an Abundance Now Ambassador with me under Lisa Nichols, just started a new organization called The African-American Herpes Alliance.   She’s the S.H.A.M.E. Changer, because for 13 years she was secretly living in shame with herpes, until she took a stand.  Through her organization, she’s now empowering others to release the shackles of shame.  (Read her truth HERE).

Photo by Diane Goss
Photo by Diane Goss

Below is my truth; 21 things that make me just like you, yet uniquely who I am.  These are the things that motivate me, frighten me, ignite me, and keep me reflective of life.  It’s a dose of honesty for those of you who can swallow the pill.

  1. I had almost given up on marriage. At 40, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be married and neither did some of my family and friends. I heard repeatedly, “What’s wrong?  You’re smart, beautiful, and successful.” Then in September of 2014, at 40 years old, I met my husband and in August of the next year at 41, I was married. Just like that.  I realized that life sets the terms, not me.
  2. I was fired in 2014 and 2015 from teaching jobs and that’s when I realized that maybe teaching was no longer for me. Not to mention, I no longer respected the people I worked for, hated the fact that many of them cared more about test scores than children, and secretly wished that some of my students had different parents.
  3. I’ve been writing and teaching about forgiveness and healing since the late 90’s, because it is a constant struggle of mine. It started with both of my parent’s addictions and because I couldn’t get over the pain of the past, I figured I should just face it and teach others to do the same.  (Check out my Forgiveness audio HERE)
  4. I detest small talk. It bores me and makes me dream of  better hings, like clipping my toenails.
  5. I’m afraid that I’m not living up to God’s greatest purpose for my life, because I have this guttural feeling that there is so much more in store for me.
  6. I practice silence when I don’t have good things to say.  As Beyonce said, “I’m not gone dis you on the Internet.  Cause my momma taught me better than that”.  Seriously, I believe in practicing silence, rather than saying things I have to take back later.  Please know that if I say it to you, it’s yours to keep. I ain’t takin’ it back!
  7. I was a promiscuous teen and young adult. I didn’t know that I was cheating myself.  Now it’s my mission to let other young women know just how much they’re worth and to help them see the Goddess within.
  8. As a 40-something woman, fertility is now a struggle.  I have come to the recent realization that black women don’t have many choices when it comes to egg donors, because black women don’t generally donate eggs.  SIDE NOTE: I wish I had frozen mine.
  9. I was awarded an Honorary Doctorate Degree of Humane Letters in 2014. I immediately suffered from Impostor Syndrome.
  10. The one thing I love about myself is my resilience. I always find a way.  Failure is never an option, just par for the course.
  11. I have never been afraid of moving. I’ve only been afraid of becoming stagnant.
  12. In 2014, someone stole my hard drive with all of my writing from the past 15+ years. It’s been a struggle to write new content ever since. I have to force myself to do so.  I think they wanted it that way.  Who ever you are, like Ntozake Shange said in For Colored Girls, ” stealin’ my shit from me/ don’t make it yours/ makes it stolen/”.
  13. In college I didn’t experiment with drugs or alcohol, because addiction runs deep in my family. Plus, I’m too vain and I didn’t want to end up looking like the addicts I grew up knowing.
  14. Some people turned to food, gambling, and drugs, in college and after, I turned to sex. I thought I would be more loved and accepted by men, but I rarely was. So, I decided to love and accept myself instead.
  15. As a child we moved often. It taught me to adapt to new places quickly, but I missed the opportunity to build long term relationships along the way. It was a catch 22.
  16. I have a strange love affair with the city and the country.  I love how the country settles my soul and how the city ignites it.
  17. Oprah Winfrey is the only person in the world I’d like to sit down with over dinner.  Maya Angelou use to also be on that list until her passing.  I sometimes envision Oprah and I sitting underneath her Oak trees with me sharing my truth.
  18. I use to hate my legs, until I realized that other people loved them.
  19. I use to live vicariously through myself and then I stopped. It’s now my new relationship goal.
  20. I use to be the youngest in the room. Now I’m sought after by the young and have become the wisdom in the room. That tickles me and flatters me all at the same time.
  21. I no longer take myself as serious. It’s just not that serious any more.
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Falling, Failing, and Forming Alliances; Olympic 2016 Lessons, PART II

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Bahamian runner Shaunee Miller diving for the Gold at the 2016 Olympics in Brazil.

 
The Olympics are over, but they will forever be history.  There were so many lessons to be learned and applied to life. How about the debacle that Ryan Lochte created when he and his teammates lied about being robbed at gun point in Brazil.  (Read about it HERE) Or, what about the anger that ensued after Gabby Douglas failed to place her heart across her chest for the National Anthem, but as the LA Times Editorial Board wrote, “Who Cares If Gabby Douglas Placed Her Hand Over Her Heart?”  Or, how about when Allyson Felix loss the gold medal to Bahamian runner Shaunee Miller, who wanted it so badly, that she dove for it, literally, and finished in first place.

Lesson 2: THERE’S ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY

No matter what you think the story is or how you think it’s going to turn out, it’s not over until it’s over.  Lochte lied. Gabby didn’t do as well at the Olympics as everyone had hoped for and was criticized every step of the way.  Shaunee Miller changed the course of history with a single dive, in just a millisecond.  That’s life.  Just when you think you have it all figured out, a new page is written and the story changes history yet again.

Read Lesson #1 HERE.

 

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Falling, Failing, and Forming Alliances; Olympic 2016 Lessons, Part I

Rio de Janeiro 2016 Olympics in Brazil
Rio de Janeiro 2016 Olympics in Brazil

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re like my husband and most people around the world, you’ve had your heads glued to the television watching the Olympics in Rio all weekend. It’s exciting to see the people of Brazil cheering on the dedicated athletes as they compete for their countries and hope to gain victories along the way.

The Olympics are the highlights of television right now, not forgetting the upcoming US Presidential election of course.   Anyway, while many were glued to the television, I was busy catching the action in bite size pieces; running back and forth between the TV and working like most entrepreneurs who work from home.  However, each time I sat to watch a game, I learned something different and was able to see immediately how each lesson applied to one of my favorite subjects; business.

Anyway, I believe that lessons of all sorts can be found any and everywhere. So, here are my lessons in three parts from the Olympics thus far.

Lesson 1: LEARN TO FALL WITHOUT BEING A FAILURE

The world watched Sunday as Dutch cyclist, Anniemiek van Vleuten had the lead in the women’s road race competition.  She was well ahead of her competitors and by all accounts it looked like she was going to win with only 6 miles to go.  That is, until she skid off the road, flipped over her handle bars, her face hitting the concrete curb, and her body landing motionless in a ditch, as the world watched in horror.  She fractured her spine and was super disappointed to have this happen during the “best race of my career” she stated from the hospital on Twitter.  You can watch the footage HERE.

Just as she fell, American cyclist, Mara Abbot took the lead for the final six miles.  She was at least 22 seconds ahead of her closest competitors.  As the 3-4 cyclist behind her caught the wind for one another, she pushed through it on her own.  After racing in the lead for six continuous miles,  with just seconds to spare,  she was beat by the three cyclist who came up behind her, because she simply couldn’t keep up.

But this is life, sometimes you  feel as though you’re ahead of the game.  Business is going great, clients are flowing in, and life couldn’t be better.  You’re rounding the corner of obstacles and a lot of hard work and you think, “nothing can stop me now”.  You believe that the worse is behind you and then, life happens.  I delivered a commence address at Indiana Tech University about winning at the game of life, accepting defeat, and getting back up again.  I think you’ll find  it inspiring.  This is the shortened version of it.  (WATCH)

The point is, your legacy can be about how many times you fall or your legacy can mark how many times you got back up and the winning spirit you had along the way.  The choice is yours.

 

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